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Water – Fun, Safety and Autism

When you get to know other families of kids with autism, you quickly realize a terrific but unnerving pattern – they are drawn to water.     Thankfully, Justin took to swimming pretty early and seems to be half boy/half fish, so I usually feel pretty safe.  But, boy, can he give the lifeguards a scare.  You see, he LOVES the feeling of floating and drifting – like allowing himself to drift to the bottom of the pool and hang out there til he needs air.  yeah … just the kind of thing to panic a lifeguard.   Freaks them out!  But its sensory and relaxing for him.  We had to create some rules so that he would be a swimmer in good standing … it all worked out.

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But that love of water is wonderful – it opens up so many water sports and family fun … swimming, kayaking, SUP, surfing, etc.    And the exercise is great too!

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But on a more serious note,we have all seen the news and noticed how many times kids with autism stray from their homes, wander off, and water is often their first destination.  Many times with tragic consequences.  How many of our hearts have broken to hear of kids on the autism spectrum who were found too late – in the water – drowned.  That’s the dark side of this attraction to water.  And if you live in a beach town with lots of waterways, feeling confident that your kids are safe in the water is critical (for your own sanity as a parent …)

Which brings me to water safety, and the reason why so many of us LOVE Kellie Maier and her non-profit KelsKids.

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Kellie devotes herself to working, playing and laughing with our kids with special needs in and on the water.  She has been the key to water safety and joy on the water for so many of the kids in our community.  Justin has taken classes, Joshua helps her out as a volunteer and assistant.  

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She’s committed to these kids and the love and caring just flows right out of her.  Amazing!  

Tonight is the fundraising event for KelsKids and many of us will be out in force – really to laugh, share, connect, and celebrate her work and our kids.  We love you, Kellie!!  Excited for this evening.  Let’s all get there – checkbooks in hand – to generously bid on the auction and raise some money for this fantastic lady and org!

Photo credit to Suzi Noyes – awesome friend who captures amazing photographs of our kids adventures together.

PLAY

… on play and productivity

Something I read this week reminded me about the importance of play in our lives – as adults.  More on that in second.  But today, I had a wonderful time with a great big dose of fun on a mom-son play date with Justin. :-)   While Josh was at the Harlem Globetrotters with a friend, we headed out for the afternoon together.    SO.  MUCH.  FUN.  And he was grinning from ear to ear on the way home, talking about what a great day it was and how glad he was that HE planned it :-)

So the question … is there enough play in your life?  What an interesting question, right? For a long time,  I would have have thought to even ask that question – so focused on getting work done, getting chores around the house done, etc.   I am pretty hard wired for action, so productivity was king since there were always lists of things to do.  But I am incredibly grateful that some years ago I started to make a more deliberate effort to unwind, to laugh more, to play.  Now … when I am mindful of it … I try more often to channel it into fun adventures with family and friends.  And when there’s too little fun and laughter … frankly, I get a little grumpy.  Bryce can attest to that.

 

This week I was reading a chapter from Gifts of Imperfection about play and it was right on point.

“In today’s culture – where our self worth is tied to our net worth, and we base or worthiness on our level of productivity – spending time doing purposeless activity is rare.  In fact, for many of us it sounds like an anxiety attack waiting to happen. ” “… the opposite of play is not work … the opposite of play is depression.?” “… many of us still believe that exhaustion is a status symbol of hard work and that even sleep is a luxury.?”  - Brene Brown

I know how easy it is to identify with busyness, to almost elevate our busy schedules.   How often does someone ask how you are doing and your immediate first response is …”really busy.”  I find myself trying hard daily to break that habit.  We all have work, lives, families, commitments.  And our days will fill up in one way or another … no one will schedule us for time to unwind and play … if balance and creativity and fun are going to be important in our lives we will have to carve out time for it.  So interesting to ask yourself whether there’s enough play in your life … and if not, what small change can you make to put a little more laughter, fun and play into this coming week? Hope its a FUN week!

PLAY

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Lovely and ordinary moments …

The topic of this week’s course on wholehearted living with Brene Brown is gratitude and joy, and how they relate to one another.  I typically feel like I live this every day, but realize that it had gotten away from me recently.  You know those windows of time when you get too busy or distracted with the past or the future to remember the beauty and awesomeness of what’s right in front of you?  Yeah … that was me lately.  A bit of a funk.
Today I noticed these daffodils that bloomed out in the yard, just a week after the ground was covered in snow and ice.   And much like these cheerful flowers, I feel like my attitude and disposition have also been renewed … positive, encouraged and excited about the season ahead.

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I am THRILLED to feel that it has passed, and my appreciation and awareness of all the wonderful things in my life is back in full force.  My desire to pause and notice, to capture the moments, and to appreciate them makes my days so much better.  Because its easy to take the ordinary blessings for granted.  So on a rough day, the practice of gratitude can challenge us to find the good and the important and the beautiful and the inspiring in the rest of our day.   Keeps things in perspective.

So today I tried to notice the simple moments.  I always love weekend mornings because of their pace … easing into the day, baking something tasty, sharing a leisurely breakfast with the family, lingering over the Sunday NY Times, parents-choice mornings (that means TV off … parents choice of music …)

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Nothing extraordinary or dramatic.  Just normal, ordinary (but lovely) time with loved ones.  The kind of time that we wish we could get back to when life hits a rough spot and our days are disrupted.  Then, what we wouldn’t give for those lovely but overlooked moments of our lives.

So I hope that you are enjoying a wonderful Sunday, and that you will take a moment to look around and notice (or snap a pic, or write in your journal) a few small but beautiful things about your day.

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Behavioral Changes … and MiniFigure solutions

It took me a little time, but I have been really processing some troubling and gradual changes we have seen in our littlest guy.   In the 7 years since Justin’s diagnosis with high-functioning autism, We have been so blessed to see incredible progress – social, functional, sensory, speech, academic.

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Fairly steady progress … sometimes new challenges or curve balls …but progress.

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Our life and family have gladly adjusted in lots of ways to accommodate raising this amazing little guy … he’s a happy kid and our routines are pretty consistent.

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But lately,  sometimes we turn to realize that there are silent tears flowing down his cheeks over something that he would have taken in stride a few months ago .   Could it be pre-teen hormones (can’t believe he is 12!!)? Sadness that his very best buddy Josh is quickly growing into a young man and more independent?  Something else??

And couple that with some real and perceptible changes in his attention and focus.  He’s more scattered at times, less connected to what’s around him sometimes.  Not all the time, but enough that we have noticed a bit at home and more at school.   And his progress toward his goals at school is flat.  Less time outside being active?  Too much screen time?  Something else??

So much to make sense of lately.  Not nearly what some autism spectrum families I know navigate, but changes nonetheless and difficult ones for him.

Well of all these things, the one we have had the most success with in the past is focus.

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So when the going gets tough, the tough get …creative!

One small part of our game plan is to keep him motivated to keep his focus and attention up at school.  He responds VERY well to even small rewards like a trip to the ice cream shop or a game of family bingo. So tonight – as one small part of the plan to get to the bottom of these changes – we relaunched our iRewards program, with a ‘bonus.’

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This last year we have used a great app to keep track of Justin’s chores/goals and the rewards that we give him – called iRewards Chart.  Great little app, and we have loved it.

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It has a nice library of goals and rewards, all customizable.  And every night Justin would score himself on how he did … on things like manners, brushing his teeth, clearing the dinner table, etc …  plus a score from his teacher on focus and following directions. Then we would talk about the scores together at bedtime and see if they were fair, what worked well and what didn’t … and we might adjust some score up or down.  Then the points he earned could be traded for rewards later on.   And it was a great routine … that we somehow fell out of recently.  And so that connection between his accomplishments and rewards wasn’t as front and center as before.

So to get back into the swing of things … tonight I added a little BONUS (his eyes LIT UP!)   Each day at school that he earns a 9 or 10 on focus/attention in class, he gets a special Success sticker.  5 of these puppies gets him a Lego minifigure!!

He’s a BIG collector of these guys so this is serious business to have one on the line for only 5 days of excellent class focus.   And the glimmer in his eye was back at least for tonight, with plans of how to get his mind ready after breakfast for a great day.  of how he will tell his teacher that he wants to get back to the 9 and 10 scores of the fall.

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Lots of other steps ahead to figure out the other changes he’s going through … but tonight, I am at least happy that he feels motivated to put his best foot forward at school while we figure out the rest.  Fingers crossed … and off to buy some minifigures soon (I hope)

 

Great song! “Love Take Me Over”

This morning our church band performed this song – and I LOVE it.  The lyrics are so perfectly aligned to our series on relationships, and also with the wholehearted living course I am in the midst of.    Perfect alignment :-)  Hope you enjoy it, too …

Here’s a little excerpt from the lyrics that resonated …

From “Love Take Me Over”, by Steven Curtis Chapman

This is what I’m sure of, I can only show love
When I really know how loved I am
When it overtakes me, then it animates me
Flowing from my heart into my hands
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Scones … and Hitting the Reset Button

This past week was chock full of personal and professional challenges and adventures that, frankly, left me drained by Friday night.  That rarely happens to me … my energy doesn’t usually run out … but I sure ran out of gas last night.   In the rarest of things,  Bryce was actually up for going out and i wasn’t up for it (this NEVER happens!)  So you see that this was serious …

Well, thankfully, this morning I bounced out of bed ready for the day and came down to make some breakfast.  Cinnamon Raisin Scones sounded tasty … so that was the plan.   But what I have found so interesting is that what followed was really relaxing and almost therapeutic. 

Everyone was still upstairs resting, all was quiet, and there was no rush.  So I was able to leisurely putter around, gathering ingredients … flour, cinnamon, baking powder, butter, cream.   Measured dry ingredients gradually, deliberately.  I cut in the butter, mixed in the cream … entirely focused on the task at hand … no multi-tasking, no juggling email or phone calls.   I loved the process of baking those scones this morning as much as we enjoyed eating them.  Why was that?  

 

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And as the scones were baking and the aroma of cinnamon drew the kids downstairs, I realized that it was the fact of being present, of being focused that was so grounding.  All week I had been harried – either trying to work from home with the kids home from school, or balancing important business work with a small array of personal things that cropped up on Friday.  That’s what was so tiring.  It had left me feeling especially scattered, and I was glad to get back to center.   Too bad I didn’ catch myself sooner to reset during the week.  But its a great reminder for all of us to be mindful of letting ourselves get too scattered.  So glad to come back to norm.

And the scones were delicious!

Mom! Is your conference call done YET??

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Plenty of snow blanketed Virginia Beach this week. We woke up to a winter wonderland, and even a frozen lake this morning … and for 2 days I have attempted to work from home because there was NO WAY that I was getting out of my neighborhood without skidding all over the place.

I rarely work at home.  Why?  Because I am a master compartmentalizer (just created a new word, right?) … I try to keep the boundaries between work and family pretty clear.  Keeps me sane.  But the snow broke that down whether I liked it or not.  And while I would have loved to just take the day off, it just wasn’t in the cards.

At one point in my morning I told Justin I had a 30 minute conference call and then I would do something for him.  45 minutes later as the call went on he paraded in front of me like Vanna White holding a sign that said ‘I Thought It Was Only 30 Minutes?  When Will You Be Done??’   He was only HALF kidding :-)

Hate when that happens.  I like to try to be present with him when I’m home … and he was pretty good about understanding that though I’m home, and not dressed for work, I am actually attempting to work.  But he would have preferred a snow buddy.

Ahh … life … and schools are closed again tomorrow.  But I think I will have to  inch my way out of the neighborhood.  I hear the roads beyond are doing alright, once you get there.  Wish me luck!

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