Tag Archives: self management

6×6 – Declaring Your Focus

Does your calendar fill up with demands on your time that don’t seem vital, squeezing out the time needed to advance the goals that you have to drive?  I think – by default – that’s true for most of us unless we do something very deliberate to take back control of our time and our focus.  If we are not careful, our time during the workday and workweek becomes time that others control, pushing our own priorities and goals into evenings and weekends, or not getting done at all.

But there is another way.  We can choose to be very deliberate about those things that we must invest our time and focus and energy toward.  Those things that we need to drive or contribute toward to shape the outcome.  Those priorities that require us to really personally commit ourselves and our time.

Some years ago I attended the Global Leadership Summit and picked up a small and simple technique that I have now used for many years – creating a single 6 x 6 grid.

Priority 1 Priority 2 Priority 3
Priority 4 Priority 5 Priority 6

Here’s the idea:

  • What are the 6 priorities that are going to personally pour your energy and focus into to help achieve a strong outcome over the next 6 weeks?

Sure … it could be a 4 x 4 (4 priorities over 4 weeks, etc) … make it work for you.  But I learned the 6 x 6 and come back to it regularly to check my focus, especially during more demanding times.

It’s not a list of everything you might do, or everything your team might be working on.   Just those things that require your time and attention.  Often some of these are things that no one will schedule your time for.  They require you to take an action to carve out time for thought, focus, planning.  It’s also a terrific and easy way to share your areas of focus with your manager or members of your team.

  • Maybe there is a particular member of your team you want to invest coaching time in, or
  • a critical initiative that requires some forethought on approach, or
  • something that’s not going quite right that you need to invest some focused time around to reshape the approach.

Here’s a sample 6 x 6 with some space to declare what you will try to do around your top 6 priorities.

In some ways the list is just as important for what it excludes as for what it contains.  If something does not make that list but its consuming your time, you should reconsider why your time is being spent there.  Maybe your team can handle it without your direct involvement?  Perhaps it needs to be re-prioritized behind some of the more critical areas of focus?  Maybe you just need to see meeting materials and it doesn’t require your direct participation.

People are notorious for multi-tasking on conference calls.  If you are doing that, perhaps ask whether you need to be there at all.  Either commit to be engaged, or step back if not needed.  Otherwise its just wasted effort – and time is our most valuable asset.  Invest it wisely.

No matter what action you take, I have found that the exercise of doing this forces me to get clear on my priorities and be thoughtful about where I commit my time.

Try it – see what you find.



Disruption – what does it mean to you?

I read an  HBR Article this morning that got me to thinking about disruption in our professional lives.  It’s actually a topic I come back to a lot in my life and career, thinking about how I want to grow/reinvent/shift?

It reminds me of the quote on the cover of my journal …  “Not all who wander are lost” … feels perfect for my sense of exploration and a desire to really seek out growth and new perspectives.


In industry, we think of disruptive companies or technologies as game changers, something elusive and highly sought after.  If you are the disruptor company you are leading the pack, redefining the game.  If your company and business model is disrupted, you are reacting to change, trying to figure out the new rules and quickly adapt.

But that same idea of disruption can and should apply at a person-level, too.  Sometimes we get too set in our ways and it can be good to deliberately shake things up.

Last night while we played Star Wars Monopoly and waited for midnight, I asked my youngest son about what sport or hobby he wanted to pursue in 2016.  He had come to the natural end of one stage of his study in Tae Kwon Do – so I asked whether he wanted to go deeper in that, or mix things up and go in another direction.  He decided he wants to swim more.  He’s a great swimmer, but needs to learn some of the strokes and would like to be on a swim team.  This is a little disruption for his life – but one one forced on us, one that he chose.  And one that will open him up to new people, new skills, new adventures.  He can keep doing Tae Kwon Do, but is opening up a new avenue that he wants to focus on.

But in a work context, I think we often think of disruption as something that is done TO us, the reactive side of change.  Are we doing enough in our professional lives to be disruptive in how we show up- disruptive in finding new approaches, new skills and knowledge, cultivating deeper and different types of relationships, in shaping our experiences to create the reputation that we hope to have.  And that doesn’t have to mean a dramatic change of career or industry.  Disruption can be smaller but no less significant in the way we show up and the career that we build.

Perhaps, like companies, we should be scanning for the opportunity to disrupt ourselves every now and then.  if you think about the way you show up every day, the way you lead, the way you problem solve, the way to engage with others … that’s your norm. That’s your brick and mortar.  When we show up this way we are often on autopilot, and the pattern of how we approach our work – even if once great – may no longer meeting the challenges of today and tomorrow.

  • Where is your most valuable asset – your time – suboptimized, and you need to make some radical changes in your approach to invest your time more wisely in 2016?
  • Where do we have strengths that – if really honed – could truly differentiate us in our ability to make an impact?  What action can you initiate to move toward that differentiation in 2016?
  • Where do we see gaps in our skills or experience that – once closed – really take our leadership to the next level?  What kind of step could help you close those gaps in 2016?
  • Where do we see the ability to give back more, to help others in their development – knowing that coaching and teaching will also develop a different dimension of our leadership.  Could you offer to coach or mentor someone in 2016?
  • Where do we need to balance out our perspective – get out of the details and challenge ourselves to think strategically, or dig into the complexity and detail to expand your strategic point of view?  What first step could you take in that direction in 2016?
  • Where do you realize you have been flying solo and need to cultivate some thought partners to help navigate complex issues?  Who might be excited to be part of this network with you in 2016 … everyone needs a few people they can bounce ideas and dilemmas off of?

If change were not just about bracing for impact but about deciding where a shift would be good  and seeking it out, then perhaps we will think of it less like an affliction and more like a door.  Sometimes we open that door ourselves, other times its opened for us.


Rather than make a resolution that might fade in a week or two, maybe think of a small disruption that could shift and enhance your perspective and career.

My Word of the Year 2015: Self-Care

I like the way some people find an overarching word that really speaks to them and represents a theme of focus for the year ahead.  But most years I can’t narrow it down.

But this year … by George, I think I’ve got it!!  SELF-CARE.  

Most days, I think I’m fairly good at balancing family, work, friends and community.  I don’t typically feel like I’m overextended and try hard to keep us from being too heavily scheduled.  Definitely the work hard, play hard mode.  We have lots of fun and I wouldn’t trade a thing.    Except for one small problem.  Somehow I fail (forget?) (ignore?) to tend to those things that are specifically for ME.

Things that in isolation seem small – annual physical, dentist visit, OB/GYN exams, eye exams, time for an exercise class, attending a small group at church, important personal paperwork, personal finance stuff that isn’t on autopilot.

For someone who gets an incredible amount done, when I made a list of the personal ‘stuff’ that I had neglected, ignored or underinvested it – well, let’s say that it was a little long.  So this then became a two-parter.  (1) realizing that this is not a good, healthy pattern that I want to live and model for my kids and that I want to do better and (2) the root cause analysis (because this is me!)  WHY?  I am known for ‘getting stuff done.’  What’s going on here??

The answer is not TIME.  I think, for me, it would be more honest to say that its about PRIORITY.  About believing that investing the time to be the best person I can be – physically, mentally, spiritually – deserves to be high on my priority list, not dead last.   And aside from being the right thing, it also just makes logical sense.

  • Instead of the simple preventive care checkup, I might become ill.
  • Instead of the basic eye exam with some darn over-the-counter readers, I might end up with headaches that keep me from reading (which I love.)
  • Instead of taking care of the paperwork I needed, another quarter/year/more goes by without starting toward that personal goal that required me signing up for something.
  • Instead of feeling renewed and relaxed from a yoga class, I might instead be tense or agitated.

You get the idea … yeah, so do I.  No need to sabotage my health and happiness by neglecting important ‘me’ things.  I have an incredibly supportive family who I know wants me to take care of these things, and will flex to help me make things work.  But my mental ordering of what’s important will have to shift.

I do well in some small spaces of self-care – I make an effort to enjoy the morning quiet to read and journal.  Spending time with friends.  So that’s a good start to build off of 🙂

Not exactly sure of the tactic I will follow, but I’m going to try.  Wish me luck!  And if you are reading this and can see traces of yourself, join me!

Your practice begins when you leave your mat …

“You have invested the time to come to your yoga practice and step onto your mat today.  Now honor that time enough to be present wholeheartedly.”

Heard that tonight at a wonderful hot yoga class.  But it applies to so much more than yoga.

In more direct terms – if you are going to bother to show up, give it your all

all of your attention

all of your focus

all of your energy

all of your ability!

I love that!

At yoga practice, that takes the form of focusing on my breath, on the postures.  Letting go of thoughts that might float into my head.




With the kids, it might mean stepping away from distractions (especially screens) to be sure they have my full focus when they want to speak to me or ask a question.

At work, it might mean to reject ineffective multi-tasking to be present and engaged in necessary discussions and meetings.

By being intentional and deliberate, the time and energy we invest can yield so much more than otherwise.   Could be the difference between living and thriving!

Class closed tonight reminding us that our practice begins when we leave our mat.   So here’s to a week of practicing intentionality and showing up wholeheartedly in the things we commit our time to this week.

Staying Open in Crisis Mode

What part of you shuts down when you go into problem solving or crisis mode?   Does it help or hurt your goal to show up as your best self?

When we jump into that problem-solving mode, lots of things can happen very quickly within us.

  • our focus narrows
  • we come highly alert
  • we prepare ourselves for anything
  • brace ourselves for battle
  • feelings can take a backseat to analysis

This is exactly what we need when we are in danger.  But if our immediate safety is not at risk, the way we steel ourselves for problem solving may prevent us from showing up the way we really want to – as present, open, aware, insightful, wise.   By getting out of our self/soul/heart and into only our head, we can leave behind parts of ourself that we need of we are going to be authentic in those situation that require is to make decisions, solve problems and resolve crises.

To be at our very best,  we have to stay focused on both HOW we solve the problem as well as WHETHER we solve it.  Some days we will be happy with how we showed up, others we will take stock of what we want to do better next time.

Ultimately, our relationships and careers are made up of a series of moments strung together – so how we show up day to day in these situations translates into the quality of our life decisions and the health of our relationships.

Like so many things, this is a discipline and a practice – something we try to be self-aware and mindful of.  For me as someone who is analytic by nature, it requires mindfulness – daily practice.

A passage in Mark Nepo’s Book of Awakening focused on this question of our minds and hearts in crisis, and was a wonderful reminder to be watchful of how we show up in these situations.  book_of_awakening


The Book of Awakening is an inspired and insightful book of daily reflections – a lovely book that I definitely recommend.  I come back to it all the time when I need to get quiet and grounded.   Book Link



A Burden to Carry Gracefully

Last night’s reading in John Ortberg’s Soul Keeping touched on grace and humility in a powerful way.  He recounted a discussion with Dallas Willard on being challenged by someone in a very negative way and just letting it go.  Willard replied:

“Being right is actually a very hard burden to be able to carry gracefully and humbly.  That’s why nobody likes to sit next to the kid in class who’s right all the time.  One of the hardest things in the world is to be right and not hurt other people with it.”  Dallas Willard

He went on to say that he was practicing the discipline of not having to have the last word.

Not that any of us are right all the time – or even often.  But when we are, how do we carry it?  How do we help bring people along to get to the right answer together.  How do we let go of the need to have the last word.  What a great reminder to stay focused on the words we choose, our attitude, our approach.  At the end of the day we leave a wake of both relationships and results, so getting to the right answers and results in relationship with others is critical if we want both our results and our relationships to be strong.

For me, sometimes its more nature to focus on our approach in one setting and not another.  What about you – do you do best at leading with grace and humility (even when you are right) with your partner, your kids, your team at work?



If your time were money

If your time were money … would you let others decide how you spend it???

Who among us has not complained about how busy our lives are, about not having time for this or that, about how we are over-scheduled and just worn out?     At work, a week full of meetings scheduled by others (sometimes double and triple booked) can leave one laughing at the idea of taking the time to grow and develop ourselves.  The best of intentions have not translated into growth – crowded out by the more immediate issues of the day.

But if we allow this – and it IS a decision – we can see years pass in our career where we are really not progressing and growing professionally.

I don’t just mean promotions.  In fact I don’t mean promotions at all – because sometimes chasing that has us focusing on the wrong things.  I mean US growing and becoming better and better at what we do – going from good to great in our areas of strength, or focusing on development to improve on a weakness that is getting in the way of our progress.

I am in the midst of reading two books by Christian authors that – unplanned by me entirely – both touch on the question of our soul and our purpose, and how the decisions we make about the pace of our life and how we invest our time matters.  Here are the book links:

Soul Keeping by John Ortberg  Soul Keeping Link


The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst Best Yes Link


I love this topic and can absolutely attest to how vital this is.  Every week I look at the calendar ahead – the coming week, and the next several weeks ahead. – and I ask myself two questions about each and every meeting:

  1. Am I crucial to this meeting.  More specifically, if I am not there, can the goals still be accomplished?  If all I need is an update, surely someone can send that along.  If the answer is no, its off my calendar.  Period.
  2. What are the things that I want to accomplish that no one else will schedule my time for.  Something that I need to be the catalyst for – whether that’s personal development, mentoring others, or thinking more broadly about the business.  Then I schedule myself into those things.

Because if you are not very focused and intention about how you spend your time, it will be wasted.  I like the idea of opportunity cost – the opportunity cost of spending time on something of limited value is the value you could have received from spending your time in another way, on something more impactful.  Whether that’s something like strategy that can get squeezed out by the immediate, a complicated issue that requires some reflection, a new initiative you want to get going but you need time to plan, or time needed to meet your personal development goals … these can all get crowded.

Of course sometimes things interfere, schedules change and we adjust.  But without the two things above – day in and day out, week in and week out – we will be left to work longer, add less value and grow less in our abilities as leaders and as people with the ability to make a difference.  CRITICAL WORK, right?

The exact same thing applies outside of the office … but that’s for another day.   If time were money and you were investing each minute of it, what would you change about your schedule?

Getting out of my head …

Sometimes I just have to get out of my head!  You know how it is right?  When your mind has been in high gear for a while and you have to shift gears.  Funny story, the first time my now friend Kellie tried to teach me to SUP, I was not steady and fell a couple times.  She looked at me (before she really knew me) and said ‘You think a lot don’t you??  You have to get out of your head!’   If she only knew …

For many years when I was younger, there was no other gear – always on, always thinking, all the time.  Then the kids came along and in addition to the fun and chaos of raising three kids, they sort of force you to shift gears and pay attention.

People often tell me how busy we seem, how many things our family seems to be doing.  What’s funny is I don’t see it that way at all.  For me, its more like … hey, not working, so lets have fun.  What shall we do?  So much to do, so little time 🙂

A few years ago I tried hot yoga and fell in love with it, and that was a great way for me to get completely out of my head and do something  physical and calming at the same time.  Love it!  But somehow I have fallen out of the habit and not made space for it in my schedule in a way – and trying to get back.  I feel so much better when its part of my life and routine.

Then late last year I tried a fantastic course call Gifts of Imperfection with Brene Brown and she did some creative or art journaling.  If you have never heard of Brene brown check out my other post t and her Ted talk for starts – amazing and inspired speaker and writer on living wholeheartedly and authentically.

One of My Posts on the Gifts of Imperfection Course

Link to Brene Brown TED talk

But as for art journaling … now this is me of the barely recognizable stick figures – so it was completely out of my comfort zone.  But SO fun!  Then I happened upon a mixed media course by Kelly Rae Roberts that I loved.


I love my photography,  and photo editing is fun too.  Suddently I had these little bursts of creativity in my life – who knew! – and another great way to get out of my head.

And my latest discovery … Chalk Paint by Annie Sloan.


(ok I’m a little messy!)

It’s a fantastic set of gorgeous paints for painting furniture.  While my Mom was in town we took a class at a terrific little shop, Delightful Digs, then tinkered with a couple old frames that weekend and had a blast.



There are gorgeous colors, great techniques to master for finishes, lots of elbow great required for sanding to distress the wood, and fun waxes to finish and age them.  Plenty to keep me busy.

During one particularly silly moment my Mom tried to stay very monochromatic with her frame and I could not resist splashing a little color her way – the small color battle that what ensued was hilarious!)  Anyway, I am having lots of fun tinkering with Chalk Paint.

It’s great to see the boys swing by the dining room (which I have sort of commandeered) to see what ‘art stuff’ is going on in there.  Who knew?  Doesn’t even matter if its any good (though I kind of like what has resulted) – but its such a great outlet to be working with your hands.  Always envied people who can work with metal or clay … hmmm … maybe that’s NEXT?

How do you get out of your head?






lovedframe-2 rusticgreenframe-2

Joy in what we do …


I love it when topics that are on my mind and your heart  show up in other stories, readings and learnings that I stumble upon .  They are happy discoveries along the way that sort of energize my thinking around a topic.  Love when that happens!  Lately, the topic has been happiness, and how purpose and meaning are tied to our happiness.    If you didn’t see my earlier post on the topic, here’s the link: Nexus of Skills and Passion

In the last two days, I have read two wonderful pieces on this topic.  In very different ways – one spiritual and one professional – they both reinforced for me how critical it is for our minds and hearts to know that we are working on something that matters to us.  How ‘work’ and ‘life’ really can’t be compartmentalized as much as we say or think … one informs the other.  For better or worse.

First, was a wonderful daily reading from Mark Nepo in The Book of Daily Awakening (love this – highly recommend!)  Book Link – Mark Nepo.  The reading talked about the importance of living out our true nature, not living just to please others or be what they expect of us.


To discover our own truth and try to craft a life that is true to that.  He ended with a statement that especially stayed with me:


Wow!  That somehow made it feel more essential to be authentic – core to health, not just a nice to have.

Heart Rocks

(The gorgeous rocks are from the happiness garden at Newcastle Elementary School in Virginia Beach.  LOVE them!)

Then, I read a NYT article – written from a business perspective.  Here’s the article link: NYT Article Link – Liking Works Really Matters

The study and article show that when we find personal value and relevance in our work, we perform at a much higher level.  So a deeper sense of health and better performance – seem like two great reasons to try to bridge work and our purpose and passion.


Happy Sunday!

Are You Building a Cathedral?

I have always loved the story of the Three Bricklayers.

Once upon a time there were three bricklayers working alongside one another.  When asked, “what are you doing?” they reply quite differently.

First Bricklayer: “I am laying bricks.”

Second Bricklayer: “I am building a wall.”

Third Bricklayer: “I am building a cathedral.”




I love this little story because its so simple and yet so packed with meaning.  Usually when we talk about it, we are focused on either attitude or engagement of the bricklayers to emphasize the importance of getting the right kind of talent in our organizations.  Other times, we look at the story from the vantage point of a leader and the importance of casting vision, to create a compelling vision that others want to join and follow.  Absolutely!  Love it!

But interestingly … we usually reflect on the story from the outside looking in, as a leader assessing the situation and looking for a leadership lesson – particularly about how to get more cathedral builders on our team.

But what if we look at the story with ourselves as the bricklayers, not the leader?  Which would you be?  Easy to say the third … but is it true?  Even a very talented and capable bricklayer could show up as any of these three if they are not careful about placing ourselves into roles that inspire us, that we feel committed to, and that we see and love the vision .  Do we come into work and see the cathedral under construction and know that we want to be a part of it.

Are you building a cathedral lately?  If not – why not? 



Scones … and Hitting the Reset Button

This past week was chock full of personal and professional challenges and adventures that, frankly, left me drained by Friday night.  That rarely happens to me … my energy doesn’t usually run out … but I sure ran out of gas last night.   In the rarest of things,  Bryce was actually up for going out and i wasn’t up for it (this NEVER happens!)  So you see that this was serious …

Well, thankfully, this morning I bounced out of bed ready for the day and came down to make some breakfast.  Cinnamon Raisin Scones sounded tasty … so that was the plan.   But what I have found so interesting is that what followed was really relaxing and almost therapeutic. 

Everyone was still upstairs resting, all was quiet, and there was no rush.  So I was able to leisurely putter around, gathering ingredients … flour, cinnamon, baking powder, butter, cream.   Measured dry ingredients gradually, deliberately.  I cut in the butter, mixed in the cream … entirely focused on the task at hand … no multi-tasking, no juggling email or phone calls.   I loved the process of baking those scones this morning as much as we enjoyed eating them.  Why was that?  




And as the scones were baking and the aroma of cinnamon drew the kids downstairs, I realized that it was the fact of being present, of being focused that was so grounding.  All week I had been harried – either trying to work from home with the kids home from school, or balancing important business work with a small array of personal things that cropped up on Friday.  That’s what was so tiring.  It had left me feeling especially scattered, and I was glad to get back to center.   Too bad I didn’ catch myself sooner to reset during the week.  But its a great reminder for all of us to be mindful of letting ourselves get too scattered.  So glad to come back to norm.

And the scones were delicious!

The Soundtrack of Opinions

Authenticity is the name of the game this week in the Gifts of Imperfection course.   And I had lots of time to reflect on the drive home from DC today.   I kept coming back to a time when much of my sense of value hung on the achievement and praise of others, and not just on who I was as a person with my own mix of gifts and talents.

The words would run on a loop in my mind … ‘great job,’ ‘smart,’ ‘talented.’  Compliments and praise for a job well done would have me feeling great, and the soundtrack of good opinions and success would replay again and again.   And it didn’t serve me well.


Great to celebrate and feel good in the moment, but holding onto it and then measuring your success and worth by when it happens again is a pretty precarious place to spend your days.   If we find our worth in praise and achievement, we can fall into a pattern where we are only as good as the last (or next) success or recognition of a job well done.

The same is true in reverse – and maybe more so.  If achievement and praise was translating into value and worth, then anything negative gets in the way of that achievement and praise and threatens our sense of value.  Like the positive soundtrack, this one can also run on a loop – playing back negative comments and affecting our sense of self and growing a fear of failure.

Well, some years ago, I remember reading something from the Four Agreements about not taking anything personally.  We all know that’s best, but it can be hard to live out.   One line from the book resonated and stayed with me over the years.  Paraphrasing, it basically said that we should hold others opinions of us lightly in our hand … observe them, learn from them, then RELEASE them.  Let go of the good opinions just as much as the bad ones so that you are not their prisoner.  We need to travel lightly through life and need not carry this baggage with us.

And that visual has really stayed with me over the years.  Now when people share their opinions and observations with me I try to see them in the palm of my hand – and try to let them go.  No matter how tempting it is to close my fist around them and hold on.   Over the years this becomes more natural, even automatic.  But now and then, if we are feeling more vulnerable, we may find ourselves holding on again.   And you have to know that if you are being authentically you, and doing your very best, that this is enough regardless of other people’s opinions.

And its not a lesson we learn once and are done with.  To live authentically each day, we have to be willing to show up as our very best version of ourselves, imperfect though it may be, and turn off the soundtrack.